My name is Stefan, and just like you, I had (and still have) this little voice in my head telling me that I'm not good enough.

That I'm not funny enough, that I am not attractive enough, that I should be better at giving feedback at work,  and all the things that I listed above and more (or at least that little voice used to tell me that).

In a somewhat toxic mixture of being an ambitious guy who loves an opportunity to become a better version of myself, but also having a somewhat high level of insecurity, for the longest time that little voice used to pose a challenge that I of course couldn’t reject: Be better. At everything.

Be better-looking. Be smarter. Be more likeable.

Because that’s the only way I am gonna be able to solve my self-deprecating talk, right?

And so in what can only be described as a mental frenzy, I set off on my journey to do something against those voices and actually become "good enough".

I became addicted to self-improvement. I read every book in the self-help section of my local book store (Waterstones is the OG), tried every Youtuber's morning routine, imitated every "secret method," and desperately tried to become everything I thought was needed to be good enough in this world.

I used to read a lot of biographies to try understand what it is that made successful people so successful.

 

My favourite podcast for a looooong time.

 

And sure enough…

I actually did become good! I did improve my progress in the gym, for example, or my social skills.

But there was only one problem. While consuming all these "hacks" might have made me better on paper, they didn't make me feel better.

Paradoxically, quite the opposite was the case.

No matter how „good“ I was becoming, instead of finding the relief I was looking for, with every book and every podcast episode I consumed, I discovered a new thing that I was not good enough at.

Resulting in my list of things I wanted to be good at actually getting longer rather than shorter. Now I also felt the need to be a better communicator, be more productive, be more disciplined, be more focused…

And on top of that my original problems didn’t really go away either. I'd still constantly compare myself to others and feel jealous of their basic metrics like their height or hairline. I‘d still beat myself up for not being as successful or accomplished as the others. And I'd still end up in constant negative overthinking spirals full of self-accusations that I said or did the „wrong“ thing in a any given situation even though there was objectively no way to make that kind of judgement.

And everything I did had the bitter aftertaste of being reminded that I am lacking something. When I went to the gym I thought I don’t look good enough. When I met up with friends I thought I am not funny enough.

Crazy to think that when I was in this shape, could do muslce-ups, and bench 100kg, even then I thought I wasn't "big" enough.

And so it went on. Not only for weeks. Not only for months. But for YEARS...

And with a sad outcome…because within that mental frenzy of trying to be as good as everyone else, I lost the most important person in my life: myself.

I didn’t know who I was anymore, what I stood for or what I wanted (which as I learned later is actually the core of feeling good enough).

I lost touch with the things that used to excite me and bring me joy to the point where I partly even forgot what they were. And everything that I was doing just kind of turned grey.

I could neither get excited nor happy, nor sad nor angry. I was just existing. Nothing could activate my emotions…everything felt pointless to the point where sometimes in my overthinking spirals I even considered my life pointless…

But for some reason - and I genuinely can’t tell you why - I didn’t want to give up.

For some reason there was a little lighter flame in me that didn’t want to stop burning, that didn’t want me to surrender to the seemingly hopeless situation I felt I was in, but rather that wanted me to keep looking…looking for a way to not only be good enough, but to feel good enough.

And so I began a new adventure… an adventure of learning what feeling good enough is really built on.

Instead of continuing to feed my self-improvement addiction, I started reading books that challenged the whole self-help industry. I discovered what I call the currencies of self-esteem and, more importantly, how to collect them.

I started to realize that all my self-doubt was rooted in a much deeper problem... and that I was wrong about how I was looking at the world. And most importantly I realized that if I ever wanted to feel excitement, anger, happiness or real sadness again and if I want to counter that aftertaste of not feeling good-looking enough, funny enough and so on, but instead have the self-conviction that I am worth something, I needed to Do something, I needed to put the words I was reading and listening to into action.

And so I did.

I started to find real exercises that helped me feel comfortable with what I was doing and saying in social situations rather than feeling insecure about it. I started to find ways to stop my negative overthinking cycles and calm my mind literally whenever I want. I started to find exercises that I didn’t even realise existed but are absolutely essential to building the foundation to a healthy self-image and sense of being good enough.

And most importantly I managed to find exercises that not only gave me short term fixes but that helped me to build sustainable self-esteem, to rewire my brain, so that today, for example, I don’t have summon up the courage to speak my true thoughts but rather have it come naturally to me (obviously with the odd occasion where I fall to my old patterns, but even then I have learned enough to know how to break out of those patterns).

And I am incredibly grateful for that.

I know that not everyone makes it out of the dark places we all have in our minds and I credit an immense amount of luck to the fact that for some reason I didn’t give up when I hit rock bottom...

That I kept looking for a way out and that I then was lucky enough to stumble across books by the likes of Mark Manson or Dr Aziz Gazipura amongst many others, whose lessons, practical tips and exercises have enabled me to rediscover my self-esteem...

And so I feel that anyone, like me, who had the benefit of profiting from those guides to reach their achievements, has a responsibility to send the elevator back down and in turn do their bit to help others achieve the same.

Hence just like the others have helped me feel good enough the way I am, I now want to help you, which is why I have created the Anti Imposter Club.

My mission summarised in one sentence is "to help good people feel good enough again". I want to help those who have a good heart, who mean well in everything they do, are sometimes a little "too nice", but for some reason can't shift the feeling of not fitting in. I want to help you to quieten down that little voice in your head and to stop you from feeling like an imposter.

For that purpose I have distilled everything that I have learned over the last 7 years, all the lessons from the hundreds of books that I have read, the thousands of podcasts-hours I have listened to, the countless conversations I have led, and the 500+ journal entries and self-reflections that I have written into everything you find on this website.

The core of which being the Anti Imposter Club Cookbook, a collection of hands-on exercises that I have personally used to build and keep using to reinforce the foundation of my self-esteem: Knowing who I am.

However, if you are new here, I suggest you start by having a look at The Never Enough Formula, which is intended to teach you the basic mindset one needs to finally feel good enough again.

Either way, I hope you find anything useful in the Anti Imposter Club, it's great to have you!

Me in my old flat in London working on "The Never Enough Formula" (at the time I titled the E-Book "Endless Confidence").

All the best,