Back in 1964, a little boy was born who was destined to have a very interesting life. But he was off to a not-so-great start.
He was not very good in school, where he particularly struggled with maths. He failed primary school tests, the middle school entry exam...three times..., the college entrance exam...twice, **and also got rejected from Harvard...ten times!
But his streak of failures didn't end there.
After eventually graduating, he applied for 30 jobs and got rejected by all of them. He didn't even get a job at KFC, where he was also the only person out of 24 applicants who wasn't offered a role.
Imagine how you would feel if you had to endure such a streak of constant rejection and failure.
Nonetheless, this little boy stayed relentlessly optimistic and kept running like his idol Forrest Gump. He developed an unrivaled mindset of persistence and positive thinking.
Today, Jack Ma, the founder of Alibaba, one of the world's biggest eCommerce companies, is arguably one of the most successful entrepreneurs of our time with a net worth of almost $50bn.
Ma realized something that most people are oblivious to: Taking control of your thoughts is the single most important thing you can do to change the plot of your life.
Your thoughts are the starting point for almost everything in your life, your attitude, your perception of the world and others, your emotions, and subsequently your behaviors, and the outcomes you generate for yourself.
That is to say, your thoughts really set the tone for how you feel, act, and what you can achieve. In other words, your thoughts are very powerful.
This relationship can be represented in what is called the Thinking Cycle.
To illustrate the wide-ranging effects your thoughts have in your life let's look at some examples.
For instance, if you wake up in the morning consciously thinking about the things you are grateful for like good health and the fact that you have a job and stable income, how do you think you would feel? Happy? Content? Proud? Either way, you are very likely to feel positive emotions. These feelings will also show in your behaviours. You will probably be more productive, more chatty, more helpful, smiley, generous, and in general exhibit a friendly aura around you. Now imagine how this positive behaviour is going to impact the things that you can achieve throughout the day. For instance, your higher motivation and productivity might enable you to get more things done and even overachieve within your job, which long term will enable you to guarantee you a better career outlook. Also, your happy, chatty and friendly aura is likely to rub off on other people, which might improve the atmosphere amongst your family, your work colleagues or your teammates at your local football club, ultimately allowing you to build better relationships, something all of us strive for.
Incredible how far a few positive thoughts can go isn't it?
But beware. This also works the other way around.
Imagine you can't help but keep thinking about how someone left a mean comment underneath your last Instagram post. How are you are likely to feel? Disappointed? Sad? Maybe even a bit angry? And how do you think your behaviors will change? Chances are that you are going to walk around with a lowered head, shoulders forward, you will be sluggish, not as productive as you would want to be, and not very talkative. You will seem repellent. Your outcomes are guaranteed to be negative as well. You are probably not going to achieve all the tasks you set for yourself, or at least not as quickly you normally do, and not many people will want to talk to you when you are in such a mood.
Incredible how far a negative thought can go right?
Armed with this knowledge you might ask yourself, "Ok, so if I want to maximize my outcomes, i.e. my performance at work, my relationships with others, and my happiness overall, I need to think positively more often. But how?"
What if I told you that after all this talk about taking control of your thougths being so important, that you are not actually controlling your thoughts most of the time?
That's right. In an attempt to save energy your brain is flying on autopilot most of the day by handing control over to your subconscious mind, which constantly makes decisions and judgements without you consciously thinking about them. So we can't actually control what we think most of the time?
Not quite. While your subconscious mind is running your life, it is programmed by what the conscious mind repeatedly tells it.
And we can use that to our advantage. If we repeatedly consciously think positively about most things, our subconscious mind will develop a habit of generally approaching everything that happens in our life with an optimistic and positive attitude.
“Our happiness depends on the habit of mind we cultivate.” ― Norman Vincent Peale, The Power of Positive Thinking
Now, I am sure you will agree that it is unrealistic to always be positive. Bad things will happen and you cannot prevent them. Like heavy rain setting in as you are setting off on your long-planned camping trip. Or failing to make it through to the final interview stage for the graduate program you so desperately want. And so negative thoughts are prone to creep in from time to time.
Luckily there is a solution to overcoming these negative thoughts.
💡 You can choose how to think about things! It's not about what you think, but how you think about it.
For instance, while not making it through to the final interview stage might feel very disappointing, think that it gives you a great opportunity to reflect on what went well and what didn't go so well. Maybe you can call up the relevant company and turn the rejection into an opportunity to get really valuable feedback that will significantly improve your chances to make it in future application processes. Also, think that having gone through the first stages of the application process was a great experience in itself, so that next time you already know what to expect, making it easier for you to prepare properly. The fact that you made it through the initial CV screening, online assessments, to the assessment centre also shows that you presented yourself really well and that you just need to make a few slight adjustments.
The more often you think about the positives that something seemingly unfavorable happening to you brings, the stronger will become the habit of your subconscious mind to try seeing the silver lining the instant something bad happens to you in future scenarios.
Nonetheless, sometimes it can be hard to get out of the vicious cycle of negative thoughts. Personally, I find it very helpful to take physical action to change your mental state.
Let me offer you one method to do so.
Also, when reframing the situation and trying to hack your subconscious mind there are a few things to keep in mind:
My Story
My name is Stefan, and just like you, I had (and still have) this little voice in my head telling me that I'm not good enough.... continue reading
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